Then Her Beauty Over Flowed
Do you want to know what really gets under my skin?
When people say "She would be pretty if..."
Our world is image driven and there is so much pressure on women to be polished and perfect. Facebook ads pop up with the newest "magic" foundation to give you that flawless look, YouTube is filled with tutorials on highlighting, shading, and making things that aren't as though they were, and magazines marketed to women are largely made up of beauty product ads with images portraying unrealistic beauty standards.
I have heard women say "If she would just fix herself up a little, maybe she would get a date." "Don't leave home without putting your face on." and "You have to put a little effort into your appearance to get a guy's attention."
All my life I was "the big girl" or "the one with the pretty face," I didn't fit any ideal image and never really felt pretty by the world's standards. Sure, I would try to look cute in hopes of catching some boy's attention at the Rollerdrome on a Friday night, but I was never asked for a couple's skate. I had a couple "relationships" (whatever that really meant in our teen years) only to have my heart broken each time. Usually because a prettier girl came along. I just resigned myself to being the average looking big girl.
Everything changed the summer after graduation. I started paying attention to my appearance and putting all those tips and ideas into daily practice; hair done, make up fresh, nail appointments with my best friend every other week, and don't forget a new outfit for the weekend. Suddenly I was noticing men noticing me. I waited for second glances, I expected them. I had always thought I was huge and unattractive and suddenly I felt appealing to the eye, a part of me said "girl you look good" and some outside voices were saying it too.
I ended up in a relationship that was started and fueled on physical attraction. The pretty girlfriend was a role I had never filled, but as much as I loved getting attention for my appearance, I really just wanted to be loved. Of course that relationship ended in a broken heart because that's usually what happens when relationships are based solely on physical attraction. The lesson I walked away with was this, to be attractive you cannot involve your heart. To stay on this high I got from the attention of men I had to silence every beautiful thing about me. To feed the need of being sought after I had to gag the cry of my heart to be loved. My desire to be valued had to be removed in order to settle for the thrill of being chased. Everything about me, my conduct, my relationships, my confidence was superficial, because nothing was going to go deep enough to ever hurt my heart again.
Turning off my emotions was much easier than it should have been and it worked for a while. Then I woke up one morning, somewhere around my 20th birthday, and the man I had been dating said to me "you know, you are as beautiful when you wake up as you are when you go to sleep." Those words fell cold and dead into the emptiness of my beautiful hollow shell....and out of my mouth came words my soul must have been crying "If you could only see how ugly I am."
I didn't do anything with my new found awareness of the growing void within me right away. It wouldn't be until later when I heard the doctor say "It's a girl" that I really started to evaluate my future, if only to protect hers. Pregnancy changed my body and I was told that I was ruined and no one would want me...My skin that was once clear and perfect became blotchy and dry, my beautiful long curly hair turned into a knot of messy bun on top of my head, and my heart that was once dead to the world began to cry.
I wanted more. I wanted more for me. I wanted more for her. I wanted to BE more for her. I knew what that emptiness was but I was too afraid to face it. I knew the only one who could fill it had been the one really seeking me all along. I was so afraid of my mistakes, of the truth, and of being vulnerable. Fear is such a funny thing, but it is something to cling to when you have shut down love. I knew what I had to do and I knew it was not going to be easy. After I gave my life back to the Lord I started the long and sometimes painful process of awakening and healing my heart.
Self forgiveness was a huge hurdle to cross. Then came ridding myself of lies I had collected and believed. After that I had to release every temporary fill I held on to. Along this path to finding me I would hear "It's a girl" one more time. Again casting down the lies, again forgiving myself. It got easier and easier. I began identifying past hurts that still influenced my thoughts, and decided that if I was ever going to be truly loved, like I wanted my daughters to be someday, I had to accept that I could be truly loved. Being single wasn't easy. Loneliness tempted me to run to temporary fills but I pressed forward even when it was hard and painful to maintain my standards and never lower my value to a superficial shell again.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says "our beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self,the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
Christian means "Christ-like" If we are calling ourselves Christian that means we are following the example Jesus set and we are allowing a change in our spirit, in the very core of our being.(2 Corinthians 5:17) Our talents shine when we use them for His glory (1 peter 4:10, Psalm 1:3) Negativity falls away when we focus on what is good and praise worthy.(Philippians 4:8) When you take our focus off worry and give it to God in prayer we are filled with His peace. (Philippians 4:6-7) Knowing who you are in Christ gives you a confidence the world cannot take away. When we surrender to Jesus' Lordship we free ourselves from the expectations of the World. (Romans 8:16, Romans 12:2)
I believe that as we become who are are meant to be we are filled with so many beautiful characteristics that beauty will literally overflow from us. Beautiful things are not bad, but hiding who we are behind them, depending on them for confidence and security, leaning on worldly standards for validation is where the trouble lies. When we have allowed God to restore our heart and soul the beauty that is within us will far outshine any outward distractions.
We are prone to judging everything upon appearance which leads us to those statements that really get under my skin. The fact is this, if you are willing to over look a person because their shell is not visually appealing, you may be valuing the wrong things. Don't rob yourself of beauty because it isn't seen at first glance. And please, don't ever say "she would be pretty if she just put in a little time and effort" because you have no idea how much time and effort she put in to restore the beauty of her heart and soul.
When people say "She would be pretty if..."
Our world is image driven and there is so much pressure on women to be polished and perfect. Facebook ads pop up with the newest "magic" foundation to give you that flawless look, YouTube is filled with tutorials on highlighting, shading, and making things that aren't as though they were, and magazines marketed to women are largely made up of beauty product ads with images portraying unrealistic beauty standards.
I have heard women say "If she would just fix herself up a little, maybe she would get a date." "Don't leave home without putting your face on." and "You have to put a little effort into your appearance to get a guy's attention."
All my life I was "the big girl" or "the one with the pretty face," I didn't fit any ideal image and never really felt pretty by the world's standards. Sure, I would try to look cute in hopes of catching some boy's attention at the Rollerdrome on a Friday night, but I was never asked for a couple's skate. I had a couple "relationships" (whatever that really meant in our teen years) only to have my heart broken each time. Usually because a prettier girl came along. I just resigned myself to being the average looking big girl.
Everything changed the summer after graduation. I started paying attention to my appearance and putting all those tips and ideas into daily practice; hair done, make up fresh, nail appointments with my best friend every other week, and don't forget a new outfit for the weekend. Suddenly I was noticing men noticing me. I waited for second glances, I expected them. I had always thought I was huge and unattractive and suddenly I felt appealing to the eye, a part of me said "girl you look good" and some outside voices were saying it too.
I ended up in a relationship that was started and fueled on physical attraction. The pretty girlfriend was a role I had never filled, but as much as I loved getting attention for my appearance, I really just wanted to be loved. Of course that relationship ended in a broken heart because that's usually what happens when relationships are based solely on physical attraction. The lesson I walked away with was this, to be attractive you cannot involve your heart. To stay on this high I got from the attention of men I had to silence every beautiful thing about me. To feed the need of being sought after I had to gag the cry of my heart to be loved. My desire to be valued had to be removed in order to settle for the thrill of being chased. Everything about me, my conduct, my relationships, my confidence was superficial, because nothing was going to go deep enough to ever hurt my heart again.
Turning off my emotions was much easier than it should have been and it worked for a while. Then I woke up one morning, somewhere around my 20th birthday, and the man I had been dating said to me "you know, you are as beautiful when you wake up as you are when you go to sleep." Those words fell cold and dead into the emptiness of my beautiful hollow shell....and out of my mouth came words my soul must have been crying "If you could only see how ugly I am."
I didn't do anything with my new found awareness of the growing void within me right away. It wouldn't be until later when I heard the doctor say "It's a girl" that I really started to evaluate my future, if only to protect hers. Pregnancy changed my body and I was told that I was ruined and no one would want me...My skin that was once clear and perfect became blotchy and dry, my beautiful long curly hair turned into a knot of messy bun on top of my head, and my heart that was once dead to the world began to cry.
I wanted more. I wanted more for me. I wanted more for her. I wanted to BE more for her. I knew what that emptiness was but I was too afraid to face it. I knew the only one who could fill it had been the one really seeking me all along. I was so afraid of my mistakes, of the truth, and of being vulnerable. Fear is such a funny thing, but it is something to cling to when you have shut down love. I knew what I had to do and I knew it was not going to be easy. After I gave my life back to the Lord I started the long and sometimes painful process of awakening and healing my heart.
Self forgiveness was a huge hurdle to cross. Then came ridding myself of lies I had collected and believed. After that I had to release every temporary fill I held on to. Along this path to finding me I would hear "It's a girl" one more time. Again casting down the lies, again forgiving myself. It got easier and easier. I began identifying past hurts that still influenced my thoughts, and decided that if I was ever going to be truly loved, like I wanted my daughters to be someday, I had to accept that I could be truly loved. Being single wasn't easy. Loneliness tempted me to run to temporary fills but I pressed forward even when it was hard and painful to maintain my standards and never lower my value to a superficial shell again.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says "our beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self,the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
Christian means "Christ-like" If we are calling ourselves Christian that means we are following the example Jesus set and we are allowing a change in our spirit, in the very core of our being.(2 Corinthians 5:17) Our talents shine when we use them for His glory (1 peter 4:10, Psalm 1:3) Negativity falls away when we focus on what is good and praise worthy.(Philippians 4:8) When you take our focus off worry and give it to God in prayer we are filled with His peace. (Philippians 4:6-7) Knowing who you are in Christ gives you a confidence the world cannot take away. When we surrender to Jesus' Lordship we free ourselves from the expectations of the World. (Romans 8:16, Romans 12:2)
I believe that as we become who are are meant to be we are filled with so many beautiful characteristics that beauty will literally overflow from us. Beautiful things are not bad, but hiding who we are behind them, depending on them for confidence and security, leaning on worldly standards for validation is where the trouble lies. When we have allowed God to restore our heart and soul the beauty that is within us will far outshine any outward distractions.
We are prone to judging everything upon appearance which leads us to those statements that really get under my skin. The fact is this, if you are willing to over look a person because their shell is not visually appealing, you may be valuing the wrong things. Don't rob yourself of beauty because it isn't seen at first glance. And please, don't ever say "she would be pretty if she just put in a little time and effort" because you have no idea how much time and effort she put in to restore the beauty of her heart and soul.
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